Rum Punch and Mattresses
I pitched this story as a stunt after learning that Mathis Brothers, the legendary Oklahoma City furniture empire, has a bar inside it. In this year of our Lord 2023, a lot of strange things have beset us.
Walking into Mathis Brothers, I was blasted with arctic air and passed a sports car and two living room sets in the lobby that preceded the actual showroom — where kismet greeted me. Waiting at the showroom entry was none other than James Etzler, a past co-worker from my Savings & Loan days, looking handsome in a suit with his signature gray beard. He’s one of the most knowledgeable and talented and charming bartenders I’ve ever known, but got out of the game. We hug and I explain this particular mission. He walks us around a little bit, but I’m here for a drink.
Thirty Four Bar & Bistro was ours. Diana Rios was the very affable bartender who took great care to prepare our drinks. My selection was a rum punch and my partner in crime ordered a Manhattan. Both were mixed and priced well, especially next to the $6,000 sectionals. It’s not what you’d expect while in Mathis Brothers. Behind you is a cavernous, brightly lit, multi-story temple to the gods of Sealy Mattresses, but while you are sitting at the bar it is reserved, dark, and moody. There is one of those automatic player pianos in the corner, a novelty intended to add a “touch of class,” but instead I think, “WOW IT IS DOING A MAGIC TRICK HOW DOES THIS WORK?”
As we left our stools, cocktails in hand, to meet James in the showroom, Diana told us, “If you want another drink, call this number and we’ll find you and bring it to you.” Anywhere in the store! As James gave us a tour, he explained that customers buying a lot of furniture at once could be there for six hours. Like, if you move here from California and need to furnish a whole house, it could take six hours, and, obviously, a bar is a genius sales tactic. It's a lot easier to buy the really nice bed after a glass of wine or two or three.
As the rum hit my bloodstream, I wanted to buy the really nice bed. I was flopping on every bed and couch that looked cool. My partner, who wants new furniture, was with me, and I am cheap and of the “ain’t broke, don’t fix” persuasion. But I just had that one seven-dollar rum punch and was thinking about selling the car to buy a queen-sized. “Hmmm … James, tell me more about this duvet, because this is NICE.”
As we moved along the showroom, James explained that people usually order Old Fashioneds in the rooms with the leather furniture, which makes sense because that’s some whiskey guy stuff. James Joyce, noted whiskey drinker, described cathedrals as places where they lull you in with the maximalism and language you don’t understand. Among the textured rugs, beds with different storage options underneath, and roomful of chairs, I think I knew what he meant. Migrating across furniture nicer than the stuff you’ve got at home is a better bar experience than you’ll find in a lot of dives.
> Thirty Four Bar & Bistro, 3434 W. Reno Ave., Oklahoma City, (405) 951-1417, mathishome.com/information/thirty-four-bar-and-bistro.html
