Lost & Found

Weird stuff happens at bars late at night, especially around the holidays. Old friends come to town, you go out to your favorite old townie watering hole, and get, well, watered up. Indiscretions, mistakes, new love affairs, laughs with old friends. Hopefully, at the end of the night, everybody makes their way home safely and the next day apologizes to their friends if they said something they really didn’t mean (to say aloud).

Sometimes we leave behind words and memories. Sometimes we leave things. Usually, it’s a credit card or sunglasses or something simple, and then the next day you have to walk of shame your way to the establishment and be like, “Hey, did I leave this important thing here after I was too many gins in?”

I’ve personally lost several pairs of gloves (it’s always just one, but you lose a glove and you lose the pair), but I’ve also gained one of my favorite shirts. As the now defunct craft cocktail bar and my former employer Savings & Loan was shuttering, we cleaned out the lost and found box. There was this great black t-shirt that said Obama, Japan and has the picture of a map of that very real city not named after the president. One of the other bartenders tried to fight me over it. “Actually that’s my shirt that I left here,” yeah right, dude, this thing doesn’t even fit you IT IS MINE. You win some, you lose some.

Anyway, I spoke with a few local spots, including the legendary Western Avenue nightly karaoke dive bar, Cookie’s. Their strangest lost and found box items?

FUZZY HANDCUFFS.

Should some things stay in the night stand?

A SET OF DENTURES.

Cookie’s doesn’t even sell food. And how do you get into a ride without realizing you’ve got nothing but gums in your mouth?

1995 FLORIDA STATE NCAA FOOTBALL CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP RING.

I have never followed college football, but after a quick search of the roster that year, I hope it was running back Pooh Bear Williams, rest in peace.

A 5-FOOT GLASS BONG FOUND ON THE PATIO.

Look, weed is legal now and I have hit some doobies on bar patios. I also used to own a bong this size when it was not legal, and I can say if you need to rip something that large to get to the head space you need to be at, probably don’t do it at a place where you can buy liquor.

7 POUNDS OF JEWELRY, SILVER BARS, AND RINGS.

I believe this was an assortment collected over a period of time and not just one careless jewel thief. Still, that stat is staggering.

Sometimes you lose stuff, but when it’s the bleary hours I at least always pat myself down and say: phone, keys, wallet.